I will probably clean this up and pad it into a proper fic one day, but not today or anytime soon ya? (I’m off for holiday in three hours!)
Yes, Dean Smith, there is a hell. It exists, for Dean is in it, and it consists of having to sit at a table with one Castiel Ruger who seems incapable of not being sarcastic and/or criticising everything Dean does.
Dude I just got up from a nap I am groggy and not ready for this but ok
Oh and I forgot to check my clock so it’s over 5 minutes but pfft
There’s typos and etc. but eh there
The sun is up by the time they arrive at their destination. Dean checks his watch, and is surprised to find that the journey was only a little over two hours, though no doubt it felt longer because the IT kids at the back of the bus – Charlie and Ash and Sam whats-his-name – started singing once they hit the highway. Thank god for Dean’s phone can be counted on to always be full of Shanti Orchestra, is all.
- A Crash Course in Someone Else’s History
- A Judicious Application Of Free Will
- Convenient Husbands
- Don’t Forget The Experience Points (submitted rec)
- Friends Helping Friends
- It’s Always the End of the World Somewhere
- The Occasional Sentimentality
- The Parts of Our Sum
- So Glad We Made It
- Some Kind of Courtship
- These Are Not Real Problems
- This Story Was Brought To You By Our Sponsors
- What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn’t Allowed to Eat Pie? (submitted rec)
- Destiel Fanfic Highlights
- Aurora Borealis
- And the Angel Said; “Fuck It.” And All the Bullshit of Heaven Could Not Convince Him Otherwise
- The Dead Dean Clause
- Self-Written Fanfic Highlights
- Venn Diagram
- A Judicious Application Of Free Will
Without further ado (and in her own words)…
okay but grumpy morning cas is my favorite alright
like it is my absolute favorite thing when everything is soft and lovely and cozy, and gold morning sunlight and gentle breeze, and fresh linens all morning-body warmth
and they’re all tangled together and waking rises slow and steady and dean kisses cas’ shoulder and he sighs all gentle
and the first word out of cas’ mouth is no
i just want dean and cas to coincidentally go back to that barn in Illinois on a case or something and just relentlessly tease each other and to have dean clatter through those doors and mock cas’ perdition speech two octaves too low in fits of giggles until cas threatens to stab him in the chest just like last time dean
oh no this is such a hard question.
i think they’re both a little slutty, but under different circumstances.
like, jimmy is always such a slut in the mornings. rutting against a grumpy, half-asleep cas until he finally gives in and sticks three fingers in jimmy’s tight hole to help him get off. and then to thank him, jimmy slips under the covers and sucks him off until cas passes out with a half smile on his face.
and cas is a slut whenever he really shouldn’t be; coming up behind jimmy while he’s at his locker and whispering how bad he needs jimmy to fuck him, how he wants him to bend him over in the boys locker room while everyone else is in class and lick open his slutty hole until he’s slick and ready to be fucked.
and jimmy would be so bad at holding in how much cas’ words affect him, eyes flashing and cheeks flushing as his cock hardens in his uniform pants.
and cas wouldn’t give up either. he’d send jimmy dirty texts during art class and draw little stick figure drawings of what he wants to do later. and when cas sends a picture he had taken a few days ago of himself writhing on the bed with a plug in his ass, jimmy slams his pencil down and says he needs to go to the nurse. and cas follows with a smirk on his face, saying he needs to go ‘make sure he’s okay.’
but really they’re both total sluts for each other. secretly feeling each other up in the backseat of their parents’ car when they were younger, pushing their beds together when they were thirteen so they could ‘try that weird thing from the internet with the ice cube’, taking turns fucking each other, arguing over who gets to bottom first, and sucking each other’s dicks and eating each other out until they can’t move.
they’d try everything together.
deans gonna see castiel’s tru form. i wonder what its going to be like. holy shit
"uh, nice animal heads"
"Thank you Dean. The dark, writhing void that now occupies your face is certainly an improvement."
"fuck off cas"
Dean’s gonna be put in charge of all the kids that try summoning things.
Everyone is gonna be summoning adorable demon!Dean to make their deals. And Crowley is gonna be so pissy about it all.
"He’s NOT a dammed crossroads demon! He is a KNIGHT OF HELL!!! Stop summoning him you idiots, he has more important things to do!!"
"Aww…but it was this cute little girl, Crowley. She just wanted a puppy. So I got her a puppy."
"You’re not supposed to make deals WITH CHILDREN, DEAN!"
"Who said I made a deal? We made a trade. She gave me this shiny blue marble and I gave her a puppy."
~~ 6 months later
"DEAN! You are NOT a crossroads demon! Why are you STILL answering them??"
"Well, apparently word got out that I give away puppies? So now every time one of your goons gets a kiddie call, they call me to deal with them."
~~2 months later
"Who even taught you this spell? Where did you get this book?? Bobby didn’t even have this book. I tell ya what…I’ll help you pass your finals if I can have the book. I’ll get you your very own tutor." Dean pulls out his cell phone…"Hey Sammy! I got that book you’ve been looking for. You just have to do a little work for it."
#demon dean saving little kids from making deals
#stopping there from being any more Belas
#getting kids puppies and kitties for cool rocks and a frog
#sending the kid to the nice aunt or uncle if their home life is bad with all the right court orders mocked up
#healing the broken arm they really don’t wanna explain came from being somewhere they werent’ suppost to be playing
#rescuing baseballs and fixing broken windows and bases
#helping teenagers sort out their sexuality (via: pathsofpassion )
with Dean full on Cain the Cain/Collette Dean/Cas parallel can truly be fulfilled and i ascend to heaven
s10 spoilers pt. 2:
to convince Dean to trust them enough to let Sam perform the demon curing ritual on him Cas gives up the last of his grace as a show of good faith. a show that even at Dean’s darkest, even shrouded in the cloak of the mark and the demonic tendrils of darkness laced around him, Cas still knows him to be the best man he’s ever known.
no, not just the Righteous Man, this time, but the best man. the brightest. he may not be able to see his soul anymore, with the powers of heaven leaving him, but he knows it. he knows it more than he did that first day, when he raised Dean Winchester’s soul from hell and shook off the charred soot surrounding it to witness the burning beacon of brightness that was underneath. he knows it. and he knows it is still there now, shuddering, pulsing beneath the poisonous impulses of the mark.
"I see you, Dean Winchester,” he says, spitting out the blood pooling in his mouth from his last sustained blow.
"Oh yeah?" Dean mocks, mouth twisted in a disbelieving sneer. "And what’s that, huh?"
Cas picks himself off the floor, calmly, steadily, every bone and muscles in his breaking body straining in a silent protest he ignores. “Son of Mary, brother of Sam,” Cas begins, walking back towards Dean, never removing his eyes from Dean’s face. The face he’s come to know and love so well. “My friend," he says, voice finally cracking. He swallows thickly. He thinks he sees something flicker behind Dean’s eyes.
"My friend who was my guide to humanity. There could have been no better. My friend who showed me goodness. Who stood with me through grief. Who forgave me through guilt. You, Dean," Castiel implores, lacing every word with the sincerity of his feeling. "You’re you.”
Dean’s face begins to fall from anger to confusion, contemplating the impossibility of Castiel’s words.
Castiel presses on. “And I need you. And I want you,” he says, slowly, enunciating every word with a step, a shuffle closer to Dean’s face. It has been so long since they have touched.
"And I love you.”
And then as Dean’s mouth drops open, Castiel reaches inside himself, and brings out the last flickering lights of his grace to illuminate the room, so that one last time, he might see Dean’s soul again.
It is glorious.
sweetly incompetent demon!dean uwu
pretty much only interested in living a normal life except he’s also a demon (which sucks 0/10 would not recommend he did not sign up for this)
can’t get the hang of controlling when his eyes go black so they tend to do it when he gets an eyelash stuck in them or a bit of dirt
thinks the whole possession thing is super gross, sticks to his own meat-suit
having to leave the room when sam exorcises people because getting accidentally exorcised is Really Not Fun
uGH i’m having a lot of problems right now thinking about cas being really sensitive during his first few months as a human
like, just the slightest brush of his cock through the fabric of his pants makes it twitch to life
and once he starts to rub himself through the fabric he can’t stop because oh! it feels so good.
but as much as he gets himself off, coming all over his stomach in the morning, rutting into the bedsheets in the evening, fingering himself as he showers, forehead pressed into the wall as water and steam surround his lithe body… he finds he needs more.
and everything is so much more sensitive when he thinks about dean. so he buys himself a nice fake cock, takes his time as he slowly works himself open for the wide toy; imagining that dean’s thick fingers are the ones meticulously stretching his lube slick hole.
and when he finally slides the head of the cock into his clenching hole, he’s writhing and bucking back onto the toy, chest flushed and back arched, as he whimpers out dean’s name. and cas just goes to town on himself, fucking the toy in and out as fast as he can, fingers slipping in his enthusiasm.
and he doesn’t realize how loud he’s being. how loudly he’s crying out for oh dean please! in between whispers of fuck… fuck! until suddenly there’s a hand over his where he’s thrusting the dildo into his tight hole, and his eyes snap open
because dean is staring down at him, pupils blown wide and black with arousal, lips parted and spit slick as his eyes trail from cas’ parted legs and over cas’ flushed, sweaty torso to meet his eyes.
and dean just murmurs that ‘you shoulda said something sooner, cas. you wanna come on my cock?’
and cas just can’t hold back after hearing dean’s voice, rough with arousal; he cries out and comes untouched, ass clenching around the toy where it’s being held still inside him.
and dean just watches in awe as cas comes apart beneath him, because he’s fucking gorgeous.
"he’s the commander’s friend and i know we’re supposed to like him"
WAS THERE A BRIEFING ABOUT THIS???!????
Castiel stands up above the assembled crowd. “Look,” he says, pausing somewhat awkwardly as he looks around the room. “Some of you have expressed… concern, for my friends the Winchesters, specifically Dean. And I just wanted to assert my absolute trust and faith in him, and would appreciate it if you could extend that courtesy to him, too.” He clears his throat. “Um, thank you.”
At the back of the crowd, a hand raises up. Castiel frowns. He did not specify there would be a question period in the memo he e-mailed out.
"Uh, yes, Jeremiah?"
"Are you and Dean Winchester… involved?”
Castiel blinks, taken aback. “I—uh…” he fumbles for a quick response. “We are intimately bonded, you might say, yes. Although by the colloquial human terms of being ‘involved’ we have not consummated anything, no, although I hope—”
"Castiel?" Hannah interrupts him, holding a phone out to him. "Your friend Dean is calling."
Castiel sighs in relief. “Yes, thank you, Hannah.” He turns to the other angels in the room. “Sorry, I must excuse myself. My, uh—Dean needs me.”
From the back of the room, Jeremiah smirks. “Go get him, sir,” he says, as Castiel blushes furiously.
"Because Cas is a weird guy okay? A weird, dorky, little guy. A weird, dorky, little guy who squints too much and smiles too little but when he does it’s always at me in this cute, sincere way as if I genuinely make him happy. It’s weird. He’s weird. His clothes never fit and his hair is always messy and it’s so stupid that it looks so good on him, Sam. Do you know how annoying that is? For him to look so deliciously touchable but always be far away? What the fuck. He’s an asshole and a piece of work and yet I once watched him sing a baby to sleep. Do you know what that does to a guy, huh? Do you know what it does to a guy to be rescued from hell and put back together by this angel who tells you you’re worth something? An angel who has seen everything? He never listens except when he does, and then his eyes are on you, those fucking blue eyes that’re way too ridiculous to be real that feel like they’re piercing your fucking soul or some shit. He’s weird and dorky and he loves me. And fucking hell, I love him, too.”
— Dean in his head, probably.
episode twenty one and a half: castiel is directing a mission when he comes across a yard sign in someone’s front lawn that says castiel 2014. he finds dozens more. he thinks it is a taunting message from metatron until he shows it to his followers. they are all embarrassed. “the humans in town think we’re a campaign headquarters. it was easiest to let them believe it.” apparently castiel is leading in the polls. castiel visits city hall and announces to the press that he is not interested in ruling anyone, that he wishes for all to have free will and seek their own happiness, but that he is determined to continue fighting. he thinks this is a clear statement of his desire not to run for office. castiel is elected mayor in a landslide. touched, he vows to clean up the city’s parks and build a new community center. he has missed thirteen calls from dean winchester.